Katy Perry’s Fireworks Need More Sparkle

I want to like Katy Perry, I really do. I certainly don’t hate her. However, I can’t seem to like most of her music.

I want to like her for a few reasons. First, she is beautiful, and I want to like pretty people, as I think most humans do. Secondly, she is friends with one of my future husbands who doesn’t know I exist, Josh Groban (my other future husband who also doesn’t know I exist is Seth MacFarlane). Thirdly, she seems like a genuine and kind person. Finally, she has a unique voice and obvious talent. Before she ventured into the land of Pop, she was a gospel singer, and went by her real name of Katy Hudson. Clearly she changed her name to avoid confusion with Goldie Hawn’s daughter, Kate Hudson.

I do like a few of Katy Perry's songs; I love “E.T.,” I kind of like the very catchy “I kissed a Girl” and “Hot N Cold,” and to a significantly lesser extent “Teenage Dream” and “Firework.” I like the Warblers (from Glee) version of “Teenage Dream” about a million times better than the original. Interestingly however, I’m not much of a fan of Rachel’s version of “Firework” (also from Glee); I only like it about as much as the original, which says a lot since I generally love Rachel’s (Lea Michele’s) songs. I think the problem with that song is that it’s too loud, and the singer is verging on shouting (kind of like how Rihanna almost shouts the chorus of "Only Girl in the World”). I guess "Firework" is intended to be loud and shouty, since it’s metaphorically about fireworks, which tend to be loud. However, the loudness of fireworks (especially the loudness of their finales) is my least favorite part of any firework experience. In fact, I hate it more than the 80 hours spent in the car after it’s over to get out of the parking lot and the traffic. I love “E.T.” because it’s a great song filled with Katy Perry’s passionate love for aliens, and she doesn’t shout at all in that song; rather she sings beautifully.

Anyway, I don’t know what it is about Katy Perry’s music that keeps me from embracing most of it. Perhaps it’s the loudness, or perhaps it’s just that while her voice is unique and good, I don’t love it. Perhaps it’s also that I sense that she writes what people want to hear rather than what she feels. Yes, I think that’s a big part of it – ironically, it is her commercial appeal that reduces my ability to like her. I’m sure there are a lot of artists and performers who I do like, who do the same thing, but perhaps I expect more from Katy Perry, since she seems to have so much talent that perhaps isn’t shining through all the glitter of commercial poppiness. I guess I just wish she would shine through her own fireworks.

Jew for Jesus in a Dream

DISCLAIMER: NONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS INTENDED TO BE OFFENSIVE TOWARD ANYONE OF ANY RELIGION.

I had the strangest dream a few months ago. I have strange dreams at times, amidst the boring and mundane ones, but this one could win a strange award, as far as my dreams go anyway.

As this bizarre dream began, I was walking across a very busy street. I think I was jaywalking actually. I couldn’t get safely across alone; I needed someone to help me. Someone (a regular person) was trying to help me cross this insanely trafficky street, with far-off shouts of “stop!” and “go!” With each step, the traffic became continually worse, and when I got halfway across, I felt like I couldn’t possibly make it the rest of the way, even with the far-off human guidance.

Just then, Jesus picked me up and carried me the rest of the way. I felt completely and utterly safe. Yes, Jesus, and please bear in mind, I am Jewish, or more precisely, I’m an agnostic Jew. Yet Jesus literally saved me in my dream.

In my dream, I knew it was Jesus, but he only partially looked like the traditional Christian, probably false view of what Jesus looked like. His head wasn’t very clear in the dream; actually, none of him was, but he had short hair (blonde I think), and he wore all white. SPOILER ALERT: LOST PLOT WILL BE MENTIONED NOW! While you might want to exclaim, “OMG! Maybe it wasn’t Jesus, but rather Jacob from Lost!” but that isn’t likely, as the rest of my description will illustrate. My dream Jesus was somewhat deformed in that his right arm and maybe his right leg weren’t really there and there was something that looked kind of like a drum instead (perhaps representing the little drummer boy?).

After he saved me in my dream, Jesus went on to help some other people. I don’t remember the details of who he helped or how. I said something where I referred to him aloud to other people as Jesus, and he said quietly to me, “No, don’t tell them I’m Jesus. Say G-d, or Orange.” I understood that he didn’t want his identity as Jesus revealed. I don’t remember anything else, and the dream might have ended there.

At first when I awoke, I couldn’t figure out why on earth I would have such a strange dream. I can’t emphasize enough that I’m a Jew, and an agnostic Jew at that. I don’t believe that Jesus was divine, and I don’t’ believe it’s possible to truly know if there is or isn’t a G-d at all (though I do tend towards faith). Nevertheless, in my dream, Jesus saved me, and made me feel completely safe and comforted, and I think at peace.

Later that day, I remembered some things that happened the day before that could explain the bizarre dream. I had eaten a truly delicious red orange (a Cara Cara navel orange) the night of the dream, and that is likely why Jesus told me to tell others that he is G-d or Orange. I suppose I felt the orange I had eaten was deliciously divine (it really was).


My orange consumption only explained one tiny aspect of my dream. Sometime after the Orange revelation, I determined that the divine nature of my dream came from Stephen Colbert. The night of the dream, I had watched an episode of The Colbert Report in which Colbert spoke of Bill O’Reilly’s certainty of G-d’s existence based on his lack of understanding of how the tides work. Neil deGrasse Tyson then came to Colbert's studio (via his wormhole of course) to explain that the tides are controlled by the moon, prompting Colbert to praise the Moon as G-d. When Tyson explained that the Moon is not G-d, Colbert praised Neil deGrasse Tyson as G-d, proclaiming “Neal before Neil!”

I think it’s clear then, that my Jesus dream was induced by Stephen Colbert and all his talk of who or what G-d is, and by a divinely delicious fruit. If I were a different person, I imagine my dream could have converted me to a Jew for Jesus, or even a full-blown Christian – not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Hey, look, by quoting Seinfeld, I inadvertently juxtaposed Christianity with homosexuality, and there’s nothing wrong with either.) But alas, I am just too practical (in terms of finding real-world explanations for my strange dreams) to put all my beliefs in one dream-woven basket.

Idol Ranting

I previously stated that my dislike of American Idol contestant Paul McDonald simply reflects my personal taste, however, I have become increasingly baffled by the seemingly unconditional praise he receives from the judges. Now it’s not just his voice that I don’t like – he actually sings badly. I feel nothing emotionally when he sings, except for a longing for it to end.

(SPOILER ALERT – Results from the April 7 episode of American Idol are discussed below.

Less rantily, I was a bit surprised last week when Pia Toscano was voted out. Yes, I realize that my mild surprise is not a very shocking revelation, since everyone on the TV has been shocked by her departure. However, I am special (as my mom always told me), because I have not been a big fan of Pia’s. I have felt little emotionally and personality-y from her, and thus, despite my recognition of her good voice and singing ability, I didn’t love her and I therefore would not have been surprised if she had been voted out earlier. However, her last performance, in my opinion, was actually good. I sensed a personality, and I heard and felt emotion (I can’t remember what the song was though). I also felt a bit uncomfortable watching her in what looked like pajamas that might have been cute before they were altered into that thing she was wearing. Perhaps her departure had something to do with that. But seriously, I was surprised to see Pia go because I was finally starting to like her, so I naturally assumed the rest of America was too.

Finally, to end on a positive, non-ranty note, I love James Durbin and Scotty McCreery. They are amazing every time (or nearly every time) they sing. I also like the other remaining contestants (Lauren Alaina, Stefano Langone, Casey Abrams, Haley Reinhart, and Jacob Lusk).

Where are the 2012-ers?

DISCLAIMER: I absolutely do not intend to be insensitive or offensive to anyone or anything. Any statement that appears insensitive or offensive is intended as sarcasm and/or hyperbole (an exaggeration to make a point; I am providing that explanation so you don’t have to Google the definition as I once did). If anything offends anyone, I apologize sincerely in advance.

With all that’s going on with the 9.0 magnitude earthquake, tsunami, and radioactivity in Japan, where are all the people who have been insisting that an apocalypse is coming, particularly the ones who say it’s coming on December 21, 2012, or as my sister called them just now after I brought this up with her, the 2012-ers (patent pending…in my dreams!).

After other major disasters, such as Katrina and the Haitian earthquake, the 2012-ers and other Armageddon-ers were so quick to say those were signs of the upcoming apocalypse. However, the current Japanese disasters that are of much more Biblical proportions don’t seem to be generating the same apocalyptical warnings. Where are you, fear-mongering 2012-ers?

The current disasters seem so much more extreme than the previous ones, particularly since this time, nuclear radiation is involved, which could mean the beginning of some crazy genetic mutations, assuming humans survive at all. These disasters are far more doom-ridden than a mere ginormous hurricane and a mere 7.0 magnitude earthquake that happened in different locations.

I wonder if the difference is the perceived blasphemy happening in the location of the disasters. Maybe it’s only a sign of the apocalypse if the people are not strict Christians, like the blasphemous New Orleans people with their Mardi Gras and their New Orleans Voodoo, and the Vodou wielding Haitians. I’m pretty sure Christianity has infiltrated Japan, but then again, there must be lots of blasphemous Buddhists there too, so I really don’t understand where the Armageddon-ers are.

I found some 2012-ers when I googled for them (here is one example). It’s nice to see they are out there, mongering their fear, but they are not doing it loud enough, because I had to seek them out. Previously, they made themselves known, and I heard about them on the TV. Some religious extremists such as Glenn Beck are doing their traditional Pat Robertson-like blaming of the blasphemous, but there doesn’t seem to be enough Pat Robertson-like talk of the end of the world as we know it.

Come on, 2012-ers, you’re here, you fear, get loud about it!

UPDATE April 10, 2011
Finally, someone (that I’ve seen) made the connection between the 2012 apocalypse that the Mayans predicted and all the bad things happening now. And of course, it was that fear-monger (satirist) Jon Stewart! He also alluded to it during his beautiful farewell to Glenn Beck. Thank you, Jon Stewart!

Update May 7, 2011
OMG, I just discovered some relatives of the 2012-ers, and they are crazy – I mean they are May 21, 2011-ers. If you click on the “listen” thing here, you will hear that some of the May 21-ers sound like they are on drugs – seriously, their voices sound drugged to me, though I obviously make no claim regarding whether they actually are drugged. These people have left their families and quit their jobs because they are awaiting the rapture that will come on May 21, 2011. They explain that if you’re still here on May 22, then you are in Hell. I bet they will be in Hell, since they will have left their families and jobs for nothing and will then be left to either mend their burned bridges or find some way to move on from them, at least for the next 153 days, since that is when the universe will cease to exist. Maybe they can all join together and form a cult, or maybe they already have. Am I being too judgmental about the impending Judgment Day believers? Then I guess I’ll see you in Hell! Hahahahahahaha! Just kidding.

UPDATE May 20, 2011
When I wrote the previous update, I felt bad for the extent of my harshness, particularly the part about seeing ya’ll in Hell. However, I now feel better about that, since Stephen Colbert said the same thing, after providing a moving recap of Earth’s history. Thanks, Stephen Colbert!

UPDATE May 22, 2011

So, here we are in Hell. Hell seems an awful lot like Earth in the pre-Rapture days. The only apocalyptic sign that I witnessed was that in the part of Hell where I live, it was a beautiful sunny day until it suddenly became cloudy and rainy within an hour of the time of the Rapture, and the sun came back about an hour after. I guess G-d was being subtly apocalyptic. I didn’t see anyone floating up to the Heavens, but if you witnessed any floating virtuous people, feel free to comment below, Fellow Hell-dwellers.

UPDATE August 23, 2011


The 5.9 earthquake in Virginia that I felt in NY and that others felt throughout the Eastern part of the country (according to my Myface newsfeed and the CNN part of the TV) is clear and undeniable evidence of the apocalypse! This is particularly obvious since we are rapidly approaching December 21, 2012 and even more rapidly approaching October 21, 2011, Harold Camping’s new judgmentally apocalyptic prediction! Run!

Idol Post-Predictions

My DVR decided to not have enough room to record all of the first American Idol results show of the season (though I was sure it did), so I didn’t see most of the watered down wildcard portion of the program. I saw through Stefano Langone’s rather impressive performance, and then read about the rest here and here.

As I mentioned, the wildcard process this year has been grossly diluted in that the judges chose wildcard contenders only from the Top 24 they had selected previously rather than from all the contestants thus far as I recall they have in the past. By only selecting from the 14 contestants that America chose as losers, they are implying that only America could have made a mistake, and that the judges are infallible. However, it is clear that as a group, their judging skills are tepid at best, paling in comparison to those of a judging group containing both Simon Cowell and the somewhat Cowell-esque Randy Jackson. Of course, Cowell is not perfect either, and I certainly didn’t always agree with him, but I did always respect his opinion because he always had one other than “wow you’re spectacular.”

I’m not just saying these things about the new wildcard process because it inherently removed any possibility that I could be right about who the wildcards would be, or because it inherently meant that the two pre-Top 24 contestants I was most hoping to see as wildcards, Colton Dixon and Chris Medina, couldn’t possibly be selected. It is the arrogance implied in the new wildcard process that bothers me most.

With all of that being said, I am generally happy with the Top 13. The Top 24 contestants that I loved most made it through (Thia Megia, Lauren Alaina, Scotty McCreery, and James Durbin). A couple of the contestants that I liked made it through (Naima Adedapo and Jacob Lusk), as did the contestant that I newly like, Stefano Langone. I was sad though not heartbroken to see Brett Loewenstern and Rachel Zevita go. I was obviously thrilled to see the evil and untalented Clint Jun Gamboa get voted out. Finally, of the Top 13, I only really dislike two contestants, Paul McDonald and Ashthon Jones.

While Paul McDonald simply has the kind of voice and musical preferences that don’t generally appeal to me, Ashthon Jones is just not that good in my opinion. I admit that she is all right, maybe even sort of good, but I really don’t like the tone of her voice, and I find her arrogant attitude absolutely irritating. The judges think she is confident, but in my opinion, she ran past confidence a long time ago and resides deep in the depths of arrogance. I might like her a little better if she realizes she’s not as great as she thinks she is.

SPOILER ALERT – Glee Season 1 is briefly mentioned below.

Speaking of over-praised contestants, I’m rather puzzled by the judges’ reactions to Pia Toscano’s rendition of “I’ll Stand by You.” I thought it was good, but not great, and I really can’t understand what greatness they saw in that performance. I think Pia’s standing ovation might have been a delayed reaction to Thia’s performance, since the mix-up is understandable considering the rhyming names. However, assuming the ovation was intended for Pia, perhaps my perception is unfairly biased. I was not only comparing Pia’s performance to the original Pretenders version of “I’ll Stand by You,” but I was also comparing it to the greatest version of that song that I ever heard: Cory Monteith as Finn singing it to what he believed was his unborn baby on Glee. If that is in fact why I stared stolidly at the TV during Pia’s performance, then the TV has gone full circle and has begun to eat itself. American Idol gave rise to Glee, and Glee has reduced what might have been a great American Idol performance into a somewhat-better-than mediocre one. Perhaps this is a sign of the Apocalypse.

UPDATE March 9, 2011

Well, it seems that Ashthon Jones took my advice and tried to show a less arrogant version of herself tonight…and now I like her even less.  Her attempt to soften her image came off as blatantly fake, and her arrogance still seeped out from her essence, along with her obscene lack of talent.  I don’t think she sang a single note on key, and I’m pretty much tone deaf.  The judges frantically tried to make sense of their horrible decision to keep her in the competition by praising her alleged ability to find her way back when she went off key, and they tried so hard to make that sound like a good thing.  I suppose it is a good thing, but I don’t think it’s so great when she had to spend the whole song doing it repeatedly.  If she had any real talent, she wouldn’t have had to spend more time finding her way back to the right notes than she did on the actual notes.

Idol Thoughts and Predictions

WARNING: The following contains mildly explicit language. Viewer discretion is advised.

In my previous blog posting, I wondered if American Idol will have wildcard contestants this season, and I suggested two potential candidates. Idol confirmed tonight that there will be wildcard contestants. I think they will be Colton Dixon, Chris Medina, and either Ashley Sullivan or Jessica Cunningham the 7-timer.

As I implied in the blog posting I mentioned above, I think they kicked the former two out before the Top 24 for publicity – to get people talking about them and about American Idol in general, and then they planned from the start to bring them back as wildcards. Time will tell if I’m right.

To further my predictions, I am guessing that Jennifer Lopez will choose Chris Medina (because of all her tears for him), Steven Tyler will choose one of the girls, and Randy Jackson will choose Colton Dixon because he is the best judge we have right now and must surely see the talent they passed over. Alternatively (and to increase my chances of being right lol), Steven Tyler might choose Chris because he clearly hearts Chris and his fiancé.

I’ve become very much disappointed in Steven Tyler as a judge. On tonight’s episode he just loved almost everyone, just as J-Lo did – even when certain contestants were just horrible. I’m not as disappointed in J-Lo as I am in Steven Tyler because my expectations of the former are significantly lower than they are for the latter because I don’t believe J-Lo has much musical talent and because I think at times, she tends toward fakeness. I was relieved that Randy Jackson showed some judging balls, proving that he does belong in the Cowell position…ewww, that sounds inappropriate lol.

Getting back to the singing people, my favorite male contestants other than the two mentioned above are James Durbin and Scotty McCreery, and to a lesser extent Brett Loewenstern and Jacob Lusk. Of the females, I might only like Lauren Alaina, but to be honest, I hardly remember the rest of them. Perhaps I will like s’more of them tomorrow.

UPDATE March 2, 2011

Well, it seems that I do like a few of the female contestants. In addition to the previously mentioned Lauren Alaina, I also like the contestant with the cartoon character name Thia Megia, and to a lesser extent, Naima Adedapo and Rachel Zevita. If the people I like don’t make it though, it will be entirely my fault, for I have not been voting this season.

I remain baffled at the level of praise given to most of the contestants.

UPDATE: March 17, 2011

I’m happy to see that the judges’ judging has improved somewhat, based on last night’s episode. Obviously, that can only mean that they have all read my blog. Perhaps a portion of their improvements reflects a shift in my perception, in that my expectations of all three judges have been lowered. I no longer hold any of them to the Cowell standard; instead, I regard the revelation of any glimmer of a critical thought as a sign of improving judging skills.

AI Officially Sucks (IMHO)

(What? Artificial Intelligence sucks? That’s a weird thing for a Star Trek loving wannabe nerd like Yel to say. She must mean American Idol.)
Yes, dear Blog Reader, you’re absolutely right – I do think that Artificial Intelligence is cool and frightening, and that American Idol has suddenly begun to suck tremendously.

(Suddenly? Now? Hasn’t it been sucking for years?)

No, Blog Reader, not in my humble opinion. American Idol has been my delicious guilty pleasure for years – it has been, with one exception, the only reality TV I watch. Furthermore, I’ve been obsessed with it to varying degrees over the years, ranging from absolutely having to watch every second of every episode with no distractions at all, voting every time I could, and taking notes while watching to make good voting decisions, to watching casually with the pre-existing mind-set that I won’t vote that season because I don’t need the stress. I watched both for the contestants, and for the judge’s remarks, valuing Simon Cowell’s thoughts above the rest. I would inevitably fall in love with at least two or three contestants, and I am still a huge fan of some of them (most notably Adam Lambert, Chris Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and David Cook).

When I learned of Cowell’s departure from the program, I wondered if I would continue to enjoy the show. When I learned that Jennifer Lopez would be one of the new judges, I thought that would surely end my love of American Idol. I know everyone seems to love her, and I kind of like her as an actress and sometimes as herself, but I really, really don’t like her music or voice at all, and I often find her personality irritating and fake. I almost didn’t watch the current season of Idol, but I couldn’t help myself for two reasons. First, I realized that I usually watch primarily because of a few contestants each year. Second, I learned that the second new judge would be Steven Tyler. I love Aerosmith and Steven Tyler, so I had to watch, even if it was just for him.

So I did, and I have been enjoying it, even the parts where J-Lo talks. I haven’t been feeling those annoying fake vibes from her too much, though they are definitely present at times. I’ve been enjoying a few of the contestants a lot. I have been enjoying Steven Tyler, who has surpassed my high expectations of him and who shows his musical genius and rock star qualities. I have also been enjoying Randy Jackson as I always have. However, I have missed Cowell’s blunt honesty and musical judging abilities, Too many contestants are praised far too much, as is evidenced by the larger than normal group of Hollywood contenders. Idol acts like that large group resulted from the allegedly amazing talent that has allegedly surpassed the talent of previous years, but to me it is obvious that it has simply resulted from the less-than-Cowell judging of the new judges. Too many contestants have been extolled as I stare baffled at the TV, as I wonder if something has gone wrong with my musical taste or my brain or something.

These are not, however, the reasons why American Idol now sucks. I didn’t expect the judging to be of the same Cowell caliber of the past. I knew things would be different, and I was accepting of this. Even when it became clear that too many people made it through the first round of auditions, I thought everything would work out in the end, since they would have to be whittled down to the much smaller group of contestants, which, I assumed, would be the really, truly talented group.

That whittling has happened during the Hollywood episodes, and it was Wednesday’s (and Thursday's) whittling that initiated the sucking Idol.

SPOILER ALERT - American Idol Top 24

To put it simply, Chris Medina did not make it to the final 24 and Clint Jun Gamboa did. Chris, the guy who dedicates his life to taking care of his car-accident-surviving fiancé, might be one of the kindest human beings on earth. On the other hand, Clint, the contestant that kicked a sweet young boy (his fellow contestant, 15 year-old Jacee Badeaux) out of his group during the preparations for one of the big Hollywood eliminations, might be, at worst an evil a-hole and at best a d-bag. More importantly for this American Idol singing competition, Chris Medina sings well, and Clint Jun Gamboa does not. Chris sings with emotion, which, in my opinion, is the most essential part of singing. Clint is one of the people whose praise I couldn’t comprehend.

I hate to seem insensitive, but I can’t help but wonder if J-Lo was told to cry about Chris Medina’s elimination. They probably realized that if she cried, America couldn’t possibly think badly of American Idol for eliminating Chris Medina. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it.

I don’t know if I’m gong to continue to watch American Idol (I most likely will because there are a few remaining contestants that I do like). If they had eliminated both Chris and Clint, I wouldn’t be so bothered, but the fact that they actually think Clint is better than Chris is simply unsettling. Perhaps even more unsettling is that American Idol thinks the barely talented Clint Jun Gamboa is a better singer than Colton Dixon.

American Idol forced us to compare Colton Dixon and Brett Loewenstern and it’s obvious that the former is vastly better than the latter. However, American Idol’s decision to place Brett rather than Colton in the Top 24 is not as troubling as their hopefully ill-fated decision to keep Clint in the competition (to clarify, by “ill-fated” I simply mean that I hope he is the first of the 24 to be kicked out of American Idol by America). Brett is obviously a sweet and kind young man and clearly does have some talent. The funny thing is that the judges mentioned that Brett has had a difficult life so far and Colton is simply a great singer. Chris also has a difficult life, and is also a sweet and kind man, yet he didn’t make it into the top 24 despite the evidence that those qualities do matter.

I am certain that Chris Medina and Colton Dixon will do well in the recording industry with or without further help from American Idol.  However, since American Idol obviously helps move things along for people’s music careers, hopefully the two of them will return as wild cards, assuming the wild cards will return this year.  Perhaps that was the plan all along.

UPDATE March 1, 2011
They have confirmed that there will be wildcard contestants this year.