Idol Joy

SPOILER ALERT: American Idol Season 12 Top 4 results are mentioned below.

On March 9, 2013, I added the following to the end of an update at the end of this blog posting about the 2012 season of American Idol:

"If you're interested in my Idol thoughts regarding the 2013 batch, there are currently only four of the Top 10 who I really like, in the following order: Kree Harrison, Lazaro Arbos, Angie Miller, and Devin Velez.  While he is not in the Top 10, I also really like Charlie Askew, who has a wonderfully apt last name that appears to be real.  I hope he finds success and happiness.  Aside from talk of her last name or whether she is pleasantly askew, the same could be said of Aubrey Cleland."

Today, I almost added another update to that blog posting, but then realized this should be a whole new blog posting.  The following is that new blosting (I didn't want to say "blog posing" again...Oops):

Sometime since the 2013 Top Ten were revealed, I grew to also love Candice Glover.  I am now thrilled with the Top 3 such that I would be equally happy with any one of them winning.  Off the top of my head, I cannot recall another Top 3 that I have loved so very much and so very equally.  I want there to be a three way tie.

Regarding my other two (non-Top-3) favorites, my love for them dwindled a bit since both of them took some time off from being great.  Devin never redeemed himself until his Save Me song (or whatever Idol calls it) and I was therefore not sad to see him get voted out.  Lazaro did redeem himself after a few less than wonderful performances, but by the time he was voted out, most of the other contestants were just better than him, so I wasn't heartbroken.  However, I do still love him.

Regarding a non-favorite who I did not mention previously, I do not currently nor have I ever loved Amber Holcomb, and the judges' and Jimmy Iovine's love for her has baffled me throughout this competition, which is interesting since Jimmy once said that he was baffled as to why America doesn't seem to love her like the Idol people do.  I can't speak for all of America, but from my tone-deaf perspective, Amber seems to spend about half her singing time off key.  I think she has had exactly two performances that were good, and I can't remember what they were (which might itself be another indication of why I don't love her).  Anyway, I was thrilled that she was voted out, leaving this magnificent Top 3.

Please note, my comments about all these people refer only to their singings and performances.  I love them all as TV-people, since they all seem to be good people and/or are good at being people.

More Economics from a Dummy

The following has existed as an unpublished draft for more than a year with the second half added a few months ago.  Most of it is probably not relevant anymore.  Enjoy!

As I explained previously, I know just about nothing about economics and my interest in it is nearly non-existent as well, to the extent that I would rather learn about the cell biology of how grass grows or the quantum physics of how paint dries than about economics. However, I have been thinking a little bit about some of the things I put forth in my economic theory, and I think I need to add to it. Like most sequels, this is not as good as the first one.

Fun with Flat Taxes

One of the disjointed parts of my theory involved a flat tax for all. Recently, flat taxes have been the topic of ridicule via the ridicule of Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan. I learned about that plant from a chart someone posted on Facebook, and some googling I did later (though I apparently didn't save the links I learned from). It seems that Herman Cain would charge a 9% income tax for people and corporations, and a 9% national sales tax to either replace or add to state taxes. I’m not clear on the latter because I’m not clear on the difference between the apples and oranges he keeps talking about in the clips of debates I’ve seen on The Daily Show and/or Colbert Report (like this one). Herman Cain would also remove all tax deductions. Based on other clips of things I’ve seen on The Daily Colbert (here's one), it seems that Rick Perry also has a flat tax plan where he would charge 20% taxes for all while keeping tax deductions in place.  (Herman Cain and Rick Perry were Republican candidates who lost the primaries for the 2012 presidential election.  These now-obscure references are partially what render this blog posting no longer relevant.)

Obviously, Herman Cain and Rick Perry got these ideas from my blog, because there is simply no other possible explanation of how one could think of a flat tax or simplifying the overly complicated tax code. I spoke of a flat tax, as part of my three-disjointed-pronged economic plan that could easily make me president, and they took that idea and added some stuff that I do not approve of and never intended for. Please note: I am not crazy (at least in this respect), nor am I serious about having any part in Herman Cain’s or Rick Perry’s plan making.

Lots of people (well, at least one person) feel that Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan is a terrible idea, and I agree for the reasons those people state. Someone at the Huffington Post explained that it would end up taxing lower income people a bit more than they are currently taxed, and it would drastically reduce taxes for corporations and the very wealthy by a lot. I haven’t googled Rick Perry’s plan, but it seems like it might be an improvement on Cain’s plan.  Clearly, that’s quite an endorsement, since it is coming from my uneconomical brain via my blog-typing fingers, I mean digits (because digits are economically related!).

While Herman Cain’s flat tax plan is clearly not fair and good, I still believe that my flat tax plan could be fair and good. My plan is extremely vague, which leaves it open to suggestions from people who know about the economics. If you don’t feel like going back and reading about my plan, I will re-state it and de-Cain it here: We should pick some percentage, and charge that percentage of tax to all people. I don’t know what that percentage would be, but I would want it to be a fair one for all. Furthermore, this would only apply to taxable people, and says nothing about how to tax corporations. Despite what the Supreme Court says, I cannot include corporations in the semantics of “People”; my brain simply won’t allow it. Thus, how to tax corporations is another thing that is left vague in my tax plan for people smarter and more knowledgeable than I to handle when I become president. I’m kidding of course -- I still won’t run for president. Anyhoo, my tax plan would not have anything to do with sales tax, since I would never have thought of changing the way sales tax is, and after reading the Huff-Po article, it’s clear that it would be wrong to give the power of sales tax to the Federal Government. Regarding Herman Cain’s removal of all tax deductions, I think I would leave that vague also, because I think some deductions are good, so long as they don’t allow people to screw over the government via loopholes and abuses and such. Yes, I think that is sufficiently vague to ensure success.

Speculators are Evil! Eeeeeeviiiiiil!

One of the other disjointed portions of my theory states that commodities trading is wrong and should be eradicated. Later, it occurred to me that there is a precedent for my proposed illegalization of commodities trading: insider trading! Like insider trading, commodities trading hurts the whole economy while benefiting a few traders. I assume that is why insider trading is illegal, and so, commodities trading should be too.

Political Predictions

This does not in any way bring me to another disjointed, unrelated point.  This point is so unrelated, in fact, that it has very little to do with economics.  Jon Stewart delineated the bizarre doomsday-like predictions Republican presidential candidates make and have made in the past regarding the horrors that would befall this great land if Obama was/is (re)-elected.  He highlighted the bizarreness of these predictions by emphasizing that the previous predictions have not come to fruition.  This brought to my mind the predictions I made about what could happen if George W. Bush were elected president.  The difference, however, is that my predictions came true, except that W. was not actually elected (the first time anyway).

At the time of my correct predictions, this blog did not exist.  Instead, I had a verbal blog, i.e. I occasionally told people what my thoughts were.  Thus, I verbally pre-blogged (or “told”) at least one family member or friend (but probably more than one) that if George W. Bush became president, we would undoubtedly go to war, and the economy would suffer.  Obviously both things happened.

The economy thing could have happened anyway.  From what I barely understand, it seems that it is possible that the economy simply goes through cycles, and whoever is president at the time either gets credit for a strong economy, or is blamed for a bad economy.  However, I’m pretty sure President W. Bush caused all these economic problems we have now that I am trying to fix via this blog.  I know this because I heard during Mr. W. Bush’s campaign that he ran every business he had ever owned into the ground, so I naturally deduced that he would therefore run this country into the ground, since its economy is but a giant business (or so I assume).

I knew that Present W. Bush would bring us to war because he stated during his campaign that if anyone, in any way, attacked us or harmed us or whatever, we would go to war.  He said this in such a way that sounded to me as if he were looking to go to war, and would react to any trigger with war.  Clearly, that made me nervous.

So, to conclude, I was right, but I wasn’t making crazy predictions based on nothing; I was making accurate predictions based on things I heard during a presidential campaign.  Furthermore, I am a predicting genius!  But I sill won’t run for president!

A Sad Idol Day

**SPOILER ALERT AI-11 Top 7 parts 1 and 2 results are discussed below.***

I am heartbroken and shocked that Colton Dixon was voted off American Idol. He should have won. I couldn’t even vote for him because I couldn’t get through, which is normally an indication that a contestant will not be eliminated. Therefore, this is obviously a big conspiracy.

Colton could have at least been the traditional “shocking” Top 4 elimination, as Chris Daughtry was so many successful years ago. Colton certainly should not have been voted out at the Top 7 level. Last week, the judges were absolutely correct to use their save for Jessica Sanchez, because she and her massive talent also don’t deserve to be voted out this early. Since Colton was removed, I now believe that Jessica should win, with Joshua Ledet as the runner up, and Hollie Cavanagh in the Top 3 (since she has improved so much). Regarding Skylar Laine and Phillip Phillips, I do think they are quite talented; however, I’m simply not the biggest fan of either. I am a bit of a fan of Elise Testone, but I don’t think she is as talented as the rest of the Top 7.

Someone on the TV suggested that Colton was voted out because of his performance of Lady Gaga’s "Bad Romance," however, I loved that performance – I love what he did with what is probably Gaga’s best song ever. My guess is that the red blob he added to his newly blond hair might have had something to do with his removal. However, as I stated previously, his talent is so phenomenal that what he does to his hair is rendered less significant. Anyway, regardless of why he was (wrongly) voted out, it shouldn’t have happened, and I know that he will be successful. I very much look forward to buying his CD when it is released, for there is no doubt that there will be one to begin his (knock on wood) long and successful career, and that it will be amazing.

The dimly bright side to Colton’s elimination is that I can now go ahead and buy all of his things on iTunes. You see, I am not a fan of iTunes (I love Amazon MP3), so I was waiting until the season was over to go and purchase all the American Idol contestants' songs that I want, and thusly minimize my exposure to the dreadful iTunes. Since Colton’s are the only songs that I absolutely need to own, I will go ahead and buy his songs now. Perhaps I will make another journey to the iTunes hellscape at the end of the season for some of the other songs of the other contestants, but such a treacherous venture might not happen. I wish these things were not exclusive to iTunes, for Amazon MP3 is so much better.

UPDATE April 24, 2012

I saw Colton on the TV, and he has removed the red blob from his hair, so he obviously read my blog and took my implied advice! There is no other possible explanation! Woohoo! Unfortunately, however, his hair remains blond.

I was listening to one of Chris Daughtry’s Idol performances (his best one ever), and I realized that I love Colton the way I love Daughtry. They both have the kind of voice, emotion, and talent that reaches deep within my soul and brain, captivating me and causing me to mutter with admiration, “OMG, I love him so much.” While Daughtry’s effect is stronger than Colton’s, Colton’s effect is still undeniable. This provides further certainty that Colton will be tremendously successful.

UPDATE March 9, 2013
SPOILER ALERT: American Idol Season 12 Top 10 results are mentioned below.

It seems that my hopes and predictions were wrong, in that Jessica Sanchez did not win, but rather was runner up to Phillip Phillips.  I did end up venturing back into the iTunes hellscape to purchase some of Jessica's Idol songs, and I will likely buy her debut album when it is released this Spring.  Moments ago, I purchased Colton Dixon's album A Messenger, which is wonderful as expected.

If you're interested in my Idol thoughts regarding the 2013 batch, there are currently only four of the Top 10 who I really like, in the following order: Kree Harrison, Lazaro Arbos, Angie Miller, and Devin Velez.  While he is not in the Top 10, I also really like Charlie Askew, who has a wonderfully apt last name that appears to be real.  I hope he finds success and happiness.  Aside from talk of her last name or whether she is pleasantly askew, the same could be said of Aubrey Cleland.

Long Overdue Idol Thoughts

I’ve been meaning to make a few statements regarding American Idol this season, but I haven’t been very bloggy lately.

At the time of the Top 24 revelation, I erupted in “Woohoo!”s when Colton Dixon made it though. The judges had redeemed themselves from last year’s terrible lapse in judgment. When he made it through this year, I knew immediately that he would surely win!

When the Top 13 was revealed, I was happy with the contestants. I felt they were all good enough to be there, even if I didn’t love all of them. I was still sure that Colton will win, and it was clear then that the runner up would be Jessica Sanchez. In the following weeks, I concluded that Joshua Ledet would be in the Top 3. Thusly, my predictions were established.

I had become a big fan of Heejun Han, both for his funny and cute personality and his lovely singing; however, I sensed that he wouldn’t win. At the time of Heejun’s Billy Joel Week performance, I knew his Idol time was short. Jimmy Iovine had complained that Heejun was not taking the competition seriously, however, I believe he was; he took the singing very seriously, it seemed, but maintained a healthy sense of humor regarding the non-sing-y portions of the program. This changed with his Billy Joel performance, when his singing became a bit of a joke. The following week, he regained his singing genuineness; I was once again captivated by him as he sang beautifully. However, his humor was dampened, and I believe that is what led to his being voted out. I believe he could have lasted at least one or two more weeks if he had simply maintained the balance of serious singing and funny personality-ing.

I liked all the rest of the Top 13 contestants, with the exception of Deandre Brackensick. I don’t like his hair, and I am not moved by his singing at all. In the weeks following the Top 13, I found that his arrogance and something about the way he moves prevents me from liking him. His mediocre singing is, of course, also a factor in my disliking. Currently I am hoping that tonight will be the time of his out-voting, for regardless of my personal thoughts about his arrogance and distasteful hair, his talent is no longer up to the par of the other seven remaining contestants.

UPDATE April 6, 2012


***SPOILER ALERT*** Top 8 results are mentioned below.

Woohoo! Deandre’s hair was voted out last night! And Deandre's mediocre talent was voted out with it! I would take credit for this wonderful elimination, however, I posted this blog posting moments before the results show began, so obviously all the voting had long since ended. But I can still take credit for thinking and hoping that he would be voted out, and thus telepathically influencing the universe! Woohoo! I go girl! (Notice that I didn’t actually vote this time, so I can’t take credit that way).

I would like to take a moment to address another hairy issue: Colton’s hair. I love Colton’s hair, for it contributes to his rock-starriness. However, I’m not a big fan of the blondification of his hair. While he does still look (and sing) like rock star, and I still love him and want him to win, I simply prefer the previous state of his hair. I must emphasize, however, that I don’t hate it, and even if I did, his talent and voice are so amazing and beautiful that the other stuff is rendered far less significant. To conclude, I love Colton.

House of Disappearing Actresses

**SPOILER ALERTS: The following might refer to things that have happened on House M.D., Lost, Person of Interest, Once Upon a Time, and Grimm up to the date of this blog posting. Any reference to the future is my own speculation, and therefore is extremely likely to come true, for I was right about at least one thing on Lost.**

Before I begin my digression-full meandering discussion of House, I must tell you that while searching my blog for the posting where I elatedly realized I was right about something important on Lost, I noticed that as of right now, I have written 23 blog posts with the Lost label! 23! 23 was one of the numbers! Holy crap! I absolutely didn’t do that intentionally, and I didn’t even notice until now (if I did, I don’t remember)! Jacob’s numbers invaded my brain and blog! I told you there might be spoilers, so please stop complaining, 3 people who still haven’t watched the Lost finale yet. You know who you are.

Onto the actual purpose of this blog…

Before this evening’s rerun of House where Thirteen made her final appearance, I thought about my previous blog postings where I wondered and googled about Thirteen’s and Cameron’s at-the-time potential impending departures from House, and I realized that I never addressed their apparent actual departures. So I’m doing that now, since the TV admitted that it read my mind by airing that particular episode hours after I had those particular thoughts.

Based on what I have heard from various sources such as the TV and my mom (who read a magazine article), it would seem that Olivia Wilde (Thirteen), Jennifer Morrison (Cameron), and Lisa Edelstein (Cuddy) have left House M.D. This is not new news, of course, and all their characters have had closure on the program, but as I said, I felt that I should address (or at least mention) their departures here, so that my blog can have closure regarding these characters as well.

All three actresses have already moved on to other things such as movies and other programs on the TV. I don’t know where Lisa Edelstein went, but Olivia Wilde made some movies whose commercials I’ve seen. Jennifer Morrison is now the star of another show called Once Upon a Time.

I discovered Once Upon a Time last week when ABC had a marathon of it. I read in the Wikipedia that it was created by a couple of Lost writers, with Damon Lindelof (Lost co-creator) as a consultant, so it’s not surprising that it easily drew me in. It’s a show about fairy tale characters, and is thusly similar to another new show about fairy tale characters that also drew me in called Grimm. Together (with an emphasis on Grimm), these two programs have caused me to get the original translation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales (free on Kindle!), which are more violent than Disney would have us believe. Some of the Amazon reviewers explain that the Grimm brothers were just jotting down the folk tales of oral tradition, and therefore their stories might not have been intended for young children. At some point in my adulthood, I did notice some excessive violence, even in the childproofed versions of these tales that we were all told.

Anyway, getting back to Jennifer Morrison, her character on Once Upon a Time is really quite different from Cameron, in that the former is far more bad-ass than the latter. Perhaps because of this bad-assed-ness, I find that I like this character a lot better than Cameron, who was probably removed from House because the writers ran out of ways to keep the most moral character from being annoying. That is not to say that morals are annoying – I rather enjoy morals – but it is to say the character had been falling down an annoying spiral since she married Chase, perhaps because she was probably still in love with her dead husband.

Emma Swan, Jennifer Morrison’s Once Upon a Time character, maintains Cameron’s morals while exhibiting a satisfying though small degree of bad-assed-ness. Cameron was nearly one-dimensional, while Emma already has depth after only a few episodes. Both Cameron and Emma are good, but Once Upon a Time seems to have the same theme that Lost had – that nothing is purely good or purely evil, and everything and everyone possess both good and evil facets. Thus, Cameron was simply good with non-evil flaws, while Emma is predominantly good. There is the sense that Emma is capable of evil, as all humans are, but she chooses good, as clearly explicated in yesterday’s episode, where she made it clear that she wanted good to win over evil, for the sake of her biological son.

It’s unfortunate that Cameron, Cuddy, and Thirteen were written out of House M.D. for one reason or another, particularly since House hasn’t been as good as it was since their departures, but I’m glad that the three actresses are doing other things. I believe Olivia Wilde and Lisa Edelstein chose to leave House, and I know that Jennifer Morrison did not, so I’m particularly happy that she found employment on this new program that, at the time of this blog posting, is better than recent House episodes.

Unfortunately, Once Upon a Time and Grimm might end up getting cancelled, because that seems to be the fate of most shows that I watch from the beginning, such as Flash Forward and Free Agents. Let us hope that the only curse on Once Upon a Time (and Grimm, and New Girl (the other new show I watch)) is the fictional one on the non-parenthetical program. Oh, I also occasionally watch Person of Interest, because it contains Ben from Lost (Michael Emerson, not the character) and because it’s a good show, but that program should be safe from my inadvertent curse since I don’t watch it regularly. I should mention that The Simpsons is the only exception to my inadvertent curse that I can think of at the moment.

Before this blog posting ends, I must digress once more, and in so doing, I shall create a fun Lost numbers bookend (blogend?) for this posting.  I thought it was rather cute and fun that in the pilot episode of Person of Interest, Michael Emerson’s character had a mysterious and cryptic list of names and numbers!  Hahahahaha, yes, I thoroughly enjoyed that Lost allusion!

A Very Gaga Future

Since Lady Gaga’s latest album is now almost two weeks old, I’ve been thinking about what her next brilliant album will hold, and I have thought of two fantastic ideas (pardon the reflexive horn tooting). I hope you’re reading this, Gaga! I love you!

Gaga reminded me on an MTV interview of what I had already learned previously – that she was trained as a young Gaga in classical piano. So it occurred to me that glorious and magical things could happen if Gaga were to infuse her music with classical stuff (I’m partial to Beethoven and Mozart, but just about anything would be cool). I almost always love when genres collide, and I think a Classical-Gaga marriage could be spectacular.

My other brilliant idea came to me some time ago (I have no idea how long ago). Gaga has mentioned in various interviews that I’ve seen on the TV that she is a fan of Metallica. I have read somewhere recently, probably on an Amazon review of Born This Way, that metal fans enjoy the Gaga. As a metal fan who also enjoys pop, I assumed my Gaga love came from my taste in pop, but perhaps my rock/metal taste also had something to do with it. Anyway, this suggests that Metallica might in fact enjoy the Gaga (that is pure speculation). If Gaga’s love for Metallica is requited, then it might be fun for the world if Gaga were to collaborate with Metallica to create something beautiful. I can imagine the voices of Gaga and James Hetfield duetting beautifully, and some mixture of the music of both could be beautifully interesting. Maybe they could even throw in some rockin’ Beethoven!

I should mention that the collaborate-with-Metallica idea is not new to me. I have previously thought that Metallica should collaborate with Evanescence, Avril Lavigne (because she performed Fuel surprisingly well, I think on the MTV), and probably others that I can’t remember now. I have also joined Josh Groban with various other artists in my brain (again, Evanescence comes to mind). Oooo, Josh Groban would also sound great with Metallica and/or Gaga!

I hope all these people read my blog and take my fabulous advice! I wonder if any of them Googles themselves. If they do, maybe they’ll find this…

Unfairly Idol

I’m somewhat irritated with the people who build the American Idol contestants and their careers. On tonight’s competition of the final two, the third song of each contestant was the single that was selected to launch the winner’s career.

Scotty McCreery’s song, while performed with a beautiful voice, was a rather boring, childless song that has no emotion for the singer or audience to connect with. Scotty is young, but he is not a toddler proclaiming “I Love You This Big.”

Lauren Alaina’s song, on the other hand, was a lovely, passionate song about a mother; obviously, that song has a clear emotional connection for any singer who has or ever had a mother and any audience. In this case, that is even more true, since Lauren’s mother was in the audience, so Lauren would have to be a callous psychopath if she didn’t emotionally connect with the song and the audience. Needless to say, she sang “Like My Mother Does” beautifully, and she sang it with loving emotion. She also sang it with a sprained voice, as Ryan Seacrest explained a the beginning of the program, which is impressive.

I can’t help but think that the American Idol gods recognized the obvious superiority of Scotty’s talent, and therefore provided a vastly better song for Lauren to try to even the scales. However, disparate song quality tips the scales in the wrong direction, and masks the talent of the singer who deserves to win.

I do think Lauren Alaina is talented and deserves to have been in the top four. However, Haley Reinhart, James Durbin, and Scotty McCreery are all more talented than she is, and were and are more deserving of the American Idol title. Regardless of who wins, obviously, all of these people will have fabulous careers.

UPDATE May 25, 2011
***SPOILER ALERT: AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 10 FINALS RESULTS WILL BE EXCLAIMED BELOW***

Woohoo!!! Scotty won despite the crappy song they chose fore him! His talent won! Woohoo!

On a side note, I think Scotty and Lauren are dating and/or in love. That's adorable if that's the case. How cute would it be if they were to get married in a few years and have some country babies? Whether or not they actually are dating or in love, I'm glad Lauren was clearly happy for Scotty, and didn't appear to be devastated. I look forward to Scotty's, Lauren's, and some of the other contestants' success.

UPDATE May 26, 2011
Scotty and to a lesser extent Lauren deny that they are dating, and claim to just be BFFs. I think and/or hope they are lying; they're adorable together and they sing well together.

It’s a Conspiracy!

The TV once told me that people like conspiracies because they are more interesting than reality is. I agree with the TV (I think it was the History channel), and I think there’s more to it than that. I learned many a year ago in an anthropology class that people like to find patterns since it's what our brains were built (by aliens I presume) to do, because without patterns, things like sensory stimuli such as lights and sounds wouldn't make any sense and thus couldn’t become objects and words that we perceive. I think, as this thing from CNN sort of suggests, conspiracies also add more meaning to coincidences, which, again, makes thing more interesting.

With all of that being said, I think one thing is clear: Conspiracies are all just one big conspiracy to distract us from the truth: the TV talks to me and aliens built us for their amusement. Isn’t that more fun than reality?

Turn Down That Incessant Quiet Music!

I’m officially an old lady since I turned 30 almost a year ago, and I can therefore say that I don’t get the music these kids are listening to these days.

The not-so-good music these days that these kids today like seems to involve a folksy quality that I find boring. It doesn’t all suck entirely, but the hype surrounding how allegedly great some of these artists are is entirely unwarranted. A lot of this stuff that they love so much, like John Mayer, Jack Johnson, and a few years ago those Moldy Peaches from the movie I didn't see (Juno) and probably other stuff I can't think of right now, seems to lack the passion, the enthusiasm, the emotion, and the musickiness that I personally love in music. What do I mean by “musickiness”? I don’t know, that’s why I made up a word. It's a lot of dull, quiet, singing, perhaps with some potentially profound lyrics, which I only say because I vaguely remember hearing some lyrics that sounded pretty good in the midst of some painfully boring music. I have no problem with quiet, but I do have a problem with nearly monotonous or otherwise repetitive music. Perhaps I'm being too harsh.

I don’t hate music by any means; in fact, I love it and can’t live without it. Really, I think my brain would revolt if I didn’t feed it music through my ears, or “listening holes,” as we called them in my day. Please note, I have stolen that construction from Grandpa Simpson on The Simpsons (or maybe I was just inspired by him).

Some of the old lady music that I do enjoy includes Metallica, Beethoven, Evanescence, and Shinedown. I also like a lot of present day music, such as Lady Gaga, Carrie Underwood, Three Days Grace, and Green Day (are any of those still present-day?). I also like that Christina Peri song ( “Jar of Hearts” ), and not just because she is the sister of a guy from Shinedown. It’s funny to hear about the guy who goes around collecting a jar o’ farts. Hahahahaha, but seriously, I do really like the line “You’re gonna catch a cold/From the ice inside your soul.” It’s simultaneously simple, profound, and cute. This song nicely demonstrates that quiet music and good lyrics can exist within the realm of good music that involves enthusiasm, emotion, and passion conveyed by a great voice, great song-writing, and tremendous talent.

UPDATE July 19, 2011

Well, it seems that Evanescence lead singer Amy Lee reads my blog and was influenced by it. I say this because that is the only plausible explanation for her stating that music of late has been lacking in terms of rock. Anyway, I’m glad my blog (or perhaps not my blog) has compelled her to bring more rock back to help fill the quiet void.

Katy Perry’s Fireworks Need More Sparkle

I want to like Katy Perry, I really do. I certainly don’t hate her. However, I can’t seem to like most of her music.

I want to like her for a few reasons. First, she is beautiful, and I want to like pretty people, as I think most humans do. Secondly, she is friends with one of my future husbands who doesn’t know I exist, Josh Groban (my other future husband who also doesn’t know I exist is Seth MacFarlane). Thirdly, she seems like a genuine and kind person. Finally, she has a unique voice and obvious talent. Before she ventured into the land of Pop, she was a gospel singer, and went by her real name of Katy Hudson. Clearly she changed her name to avoid confusion with Goldie Hawn’s daughter, Kate Hudson.

I do like a few of Katy Perry's songs; I love “E.T.,” I kind of like the very catchy “I kissed a Girl” and “Hot N Cold,” and to a significantly lesser extent “Teenage Dream” and “Firework.” I like the Warblers (from Glee) version of “Teenage Dream” about a million times better than the original. Interestingly however, I’m not much of a fan of Rachel’s version of “Firework” (also from Glee); I only like it about as much as the original, which says a lot since I generally love Rachel’s (Lea Michele’s) songs. I think the problem with that song is that it’s too loud, and the singer is verging on shouting (kind of like how Rihanna almost shouts the chorus of "Only Girl in the World”). I guess "Firework" is intended to be loud and shouty, since it’s metaphorically about fireworks, which tend to be loud. However, the loudness of fireworks (especially the loudness of their finales) is my least favorite part of any firework experience. In fact, I hate it more than the 80 hours spent in the car after it’s over to get out of the parking lot and the traffic. I love “E.T.” because it’s a great song filled with Katy Perry’s passionate love for aliens, and she doesn’t shout at all in that song; rather she sings beautifully.

Anyway, I don’t know what it is about Katy Perry’s music that keeps me from embracing most of it. Perhaps it’s the loudness, or perhaps it’s just that while her voice is unique and good, I don’t love it. Perhaps it’s also that I sense that she writes what people want to hear rather than what she feels. Yes, I think that’s a big part of it – ironically, it is her commercial appeal that reduces my ability to like her. I’m sure there are a lot of artists and performers who I do like, who do the same thing, but perhaps I expect more from Katy Perry, since she seems to have so much talent that perhaps isn’t shining through all the glitter of commercial poppiness. I guess I just wish she would shine through her own fireworks.

Jew for Jesus in a Dream

DISCLAIMER: NONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS INTENDED TO BE OFFENSIVE TOWARD ANYONE OF ANY RELIGION.

I had the strangest dream a few months ago. I have strange dreams at times, amidst the boring and mundane ones, but this one could win a strange award, as far as my dreams go anyway.

As this bizarre dream began, I was walking across a very busy street. I think I was jaywalking actually. I couldn’t get safely across alone; I needed someone to help me. Someone (a regular person) was trying to help me cross this insanely trafficky street, with far-off shouts of “stop!” and “go!” With each step, the traffic became continually worse, and when I got halfway across, I felt like I couldn’t possibly make it the rest of the way, even with the far-off human guidance.

Just then, Jesus picked me up and carried me the rest of the way. I felt completely and utterly safe. Yes, Jesus, and please bear in mind, I am Jewish, or more precisely, I’m an agnostic Jew. Yet Jesus literally saved me in my dream.

In my dream, I knew it was Jesus, but he only partially looked like the traditional Christian, probably false view of what Jesus looked like. His head wasn’t very clear in the dream; actually, none of him was, but he had short hair (blonde I think), and he wore all white. SPOILER ALERT: LOST PLOT WILL BE MENTIONED NOW! While you might want to exclaim, “OMG! Maybe it wasn’t Jesus, but rather Jacob from Lost!” but that isn’t likely, as the rest of my description will illustrate. My dream Jesus was somewhat deformed in that his right arm and maybe his right leg weren’t really there and there was something that looked kind of like a drum instead (perhaps representing the little drummer boy?).

After he saved me in my dream, Jesus went on to help some other people. I don’t remember the details of who he helped or how. I said something where I referred to him aloud to other people as Jesus, and he said quietly to me, “No, don’t tell them I’m Jesus. Say G-d, or Orange.” I understood that he didn’t want his identity as Jesus revealed. I don’t remember anything else, and the dream might have ended there.

At first when I awoke, I couldn’t figure out why on earth I would have such a strange dream. I can’t emphasize enough that I’m a Jew, and an agnostic Jew at that. I don’t believe that Jesus was divine, and I don’t’ believe it’s possible to truly know if there is or isn’t a G-d at all (though I do tend towards faith). Nevertheless, in my dream, Jesus saved me, and made me feel completely safe and comforted, and I think at peace.

Later that day, I remembered some things that happened the day before that could explain the bizarre dream. I had eaten a truly delicious red orange (a Cara Cara navel orange) the night of the dream, and that is likely why Jesus told me to tell others that he is G-d or Orange. I suppose I felt the orange I had eaten was deliciously divine (it really was).


My orange consumption only explained one tiny aspect of my dream. Sometime after the Orange revelation, I determined that the divine nature of my dream came from Stephen Colbert. The night of the dream, I had watched an episode of The Colbert Report in which Colbert spoke of Bill O’Reilly’s certainty of G-d’s existence based on his lack of understanding of how the tides work. Neil deGrasse Tyson then came to Colbert's studio (via his wormhole of course) to explain that the tides are controlled by the moon, prompting Colbert to praise the Moon as G-d. When Tyson explained that the Moon is not G-d, Colbert praised Neil deGrasse Tyson as G-d, proclaiming “Neal before Neil!”

I think it’s clear then, that my Jesus dream was induced by Stephen Colbert and all his talk of who or what G-d is, and by a divinely delicious fruit. If I were a different person, I imagine my dream could have converted me to a Jew for Jesus, or even a full-blown Christian – not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Hey, look, by quoting Seinfeld, I inadvertently juxtaposed Christianity with homosexuality, and there’s nothing wrong with either.) But alas, I am just too practical (in terms of finding real-world explanations for my strange dreams) to put all my beliefs in one dream-woven basket.