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Sunday, November 12, 2017

What Ever Happened to the Best Cereal EVER?

I have written previously of the gloriously delicious and banana-y Banana Nut Cheerios, when I declared it Best Cereal EVER!  I have since enjoyed it periodically, for as I stated in that post, I am not much of a cereal person in general.  However, for some time, these wonderful Cheerios seemed to have vanished.  So you can imagine my delight when they suddenly re-appeared on a supermarket shelf and shortly thereafter in my home.  But my delight ended before my tummy received the cheery o's.  The Banana Nut Cheerios were little o-shaped imposters.

They did not taste strongly of banana; rather, they tasted mildly of it for the first bite, followed by increasing…something else.  'Twas a flavor I could not put my finger on.  Sugary?  Sort of.  Maple-y?  Maybe.  Brown-sugar-y?  Um, I don't know.  Of course, despite my disappointment, I continued to eat them, trying to re-attain the banana-y flavor I so yearned for.

In my previous post regarding these Cheerios, I explained that milk, especially real milk, brings out more of the delicious flavors.  Therefore, I must assure you, I did indeed have real milk with my not-so-Banana Nut Cheerios.  If you must know, it was a fancy organic and even grass-fed milk.  'Twas my first time having such a fancy milk.  I was surprised to find I did not moo as a result of imbibing it.  I did not moo at all.

I was uncertain if the lost banana flavor was General Mill's fault or mine own.  Perhaps I had a taste in my mouth that altered the cereal, or perhaps my taste buds were on the fritz.

So I conducted thorough research into whether the Banana Nut Cheerio recipe had changed.  Of course, by "thorough research," I mean I quickly Googled.  In so researching, I learned that the mysterious absence of Banana Nut Cheerios was due to an evil and cruel discontinuation of said cereal two flippin' years ago!  Didn't they know I love them?  Why would they do such a treacherous thing?  Anyhoo, they made what could have been a triumphant albeit limited-time return recently.  I then compared the old ingredients to the new ingredients, and it most certainly has changed.

Ironically, the changes in ingredients suggest an improvement in quality and healthiness.  There are no longer any chemical-sounding words in the ingredients list, and almonds have been replaced with pecans and cinnamon (I mean, "natural flavors" of these things).  There are 10 more calories per the same sized serving of 3/4 cup, and 1 gram less sugar.  Instead of a combination of whole grain corn and oats, it's now just whole grain oats.  None of this should be bad, except maybe the 10 more calories, though that's only a problem if you have many servings at once (as some people do).

I realized the problem was probably that the pecan and cinnamon flavors are stealing the spotlight from the banana, and those were probably the flavors I couldn't put my finger on.  Almonds (or "natural almond flavor" as it were) are probably more mild, and certainly a lack of cinnamon would keep the spotlight on the banana.  The old recipe got one important thing right: it knew that bananas were the star of the show.

With my new understanding of what the new Banana Nut Cheerios are, I decided to give them another chance.  This time, I had the cereal with Lactaid, another (less) fancy milk whose lactose is removed or something.  I don't think the type of real milk made a difference in this case because the cereal tasted the same as it did before.  However, my expectations and understandings were different, as I no longer expected anything all that banana-y, and I did expect cinnamon and pecan flavors.  And so it was.  Because I was no longer distracted by my disappoint in lack of banana flavor, I was able to experience the cinnamon pecan flavor as the initial banana faded.  While it is no longer the best cereal ever, and it is not a yummy banana-y cereal, it is a yummy cereal with an initial hint of banana.  I can still recommend it, but not as whole-heartedly as I once could.


Sunday, June 4, 2017

Dearest M&Ms, You Can Fix This Great Blunder

I must preface this by explaining that I have a life-long love of M&Ms.  Since I was a young-un, I have enjoyed every advertising campaign, and I have enjoyed every variety of M&M.  I have even fallen for strange new packaging; "What?!  M&Ms in a TUBE???  I MUST have them!"  M&M advertising strikes such a lovely chord for me, that in college, I had some plush M&M characters adorning a portion of the wall in my dorm room in a lovely castle (that's right, I was a princess for two years).  Furthermore, my love for M&Ms extends beyond the M&M sub-brand, in that I think I love all the Martian chocolates (chocolate from Mars Bars* would be Martian, correcto?)

Therefore, you can imagine my joyfulness and delight when I saw the adorable and funny commercial regarding the new and very exciting Caramel M&Ms.  I acquired these new M&Ms as soon as I could, and eagerly ate one.  "Ugh, maybe I had a bad taste in my mouth."  I tried another, this time biting half of it so I could gaze upon the lovely layers, as one does.  I ate both halves slowly, being sure to eliminate any pre-existing tastes in my mouth.  My palate was cleared of all but Caramel M&M.  The next one would surely be better.  I tried another, this time eating it like a normal person might, since, as a not-so-normal, I can only guess what a normal might do.  Still no good.  I ate one more, for I became determined to ascertain the cause of this bizarre lack of deliciousness.  I ate this one more slowly and delicately, trying to savor and separate the flavors in the three layers (caramel, chocolate, and candy).  "Ugh, the caramel is gritty, and it's trying to taste like yummy caramel, but isn't quite doing it right."  That was it – the caramel is no good.  How could the wonderful Martians that created the Milky Way with all its delicious parts including delicious caramel, make this caramel blunder?!

Mars Bars, please, if you are reading this, or even if you're not, please fix it.  Make the caramel smooth and delicious, as caramel should be.  I believe you can fix the disgusting gustatory atrocities you dare call Caramel M&Ms.  They are undeserving of such a beautiful name and such a wonderful commercial.  Red was right.
  

*I know Mars Bars is really just Mars, and I've never actually had the thing called a Mars Bar, but Mars Bars rhymes, and I enjoy things that rhyme, so that is how I shall refer to the Martian chocolate company.  I apologize for any inconvenience this might cause.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Sinister Soul

Why dost thou hurt me so, Sinister Soul?
Dost thou seek vengeance?
I know not of what I have done
To thee, or to thy sister, Sinister Soul.
Wilt thou free me of this pain
That thou hast inflicted upon me?
Or shalt the pain remain?

I step upon thee as I move forward,
Or rather, I step with thee;
With thee, and upon thee.
Thou propelest me;
Thou compelest me.

I stand over thee,
And I stand still.

I step with thee,
And I move forward.

Alas, the Sinister Soul of which I speak
Is a part of me.
Sinister Soul, thou art my Sinister Soul.
Thou liest beneath my Sinister Foot.

My Sinister Soul aches so verily.
Dost thou hurt me?
Or do I hurt thee?
'Tis a dichotomy.
Sometimes, my Sinister Soul
Is itchy.

Oh dear, Sinister Soul,
I have misspelled thee!
I did not know, or recall anyway
That you are without a "u"
And silently bear an "e."
Oh, Dear Sinister Sole,
Canst thou forgive me
For mine orthographic atrocity?